On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
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i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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