i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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