Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
