the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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