I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
