I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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