im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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