i think my mom watched the whole time
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
