Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
