Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize