just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
