my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
