You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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