How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
