omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
