I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
