sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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