He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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