so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
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Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
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I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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