i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
