dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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