God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
