So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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