The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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