Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
