haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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