So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
