i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
