Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
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Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
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things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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