The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
