did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
