I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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