just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
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Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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