U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
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