So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
