Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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