It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Randomize
