you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
