If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
