I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Randomize
