I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
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i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
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I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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