this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
