She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
