do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
