Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
