Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
