I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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