well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
