I got chris browned last night
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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