How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
