so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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