Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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