I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
