My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
