so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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