He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
