why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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