matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
