Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Mom said you looked used
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
