So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize