hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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