You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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