Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
