New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
