Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
