I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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