I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
