dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
