So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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